Secret conversations between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris begin
By Prof Munyonzwe Hamalengwa
Kamala, this is Donald Trump. You recently said in your campaign that, and I quote, “well Donald, if you have something to say, you have to say it to my face.”
What a clever line you have invoked here, Kamala. And it got traction in the media. That is why I am calling you now to say something to your ear. Hopefully it will be arranged that later on I will say everything to your face at a face to face debate. You know, the beauty of American democracy is that presidential candidates can debate on national and international TV for people to judge for themselves. In countries like Zambia, for example, President Hakainde Hichilema and Edgar Lungu have never debated each other. How could that be in a democracy when the electorate want to see how their presidential candidates would fair against each other. Listen, I demolished devastatingly Sleepy Joe in our recent debate. I put him to sleep. He was so inarticulate that your party had to withdraw him and they put you in his place. I will put you to sleep, Kamala as well, you can’t match my skills in debating. I put everybody I debate with to sleep. Look, I beat those Harvard trained lawyers like Ted Cruise to shame. I undress even the best of intellectuals. First, I give them a nickname and I have already given you the nickname but somehow it hasn’t stuck to you like crazy glue. Crooked Hillary fit like glove in hand. Sleepy Joe fit nicely. Crazy Nancy Pelosi fit like Siamese twins. For you for some reason I can’t find a suitable sticking disarming nickname but I will find one. It is one of my most treasured gifts, Kamala, to give devastating nicknames to disempower, disrobe, disarm, dismiss, decompose, demonise, demolish, dismember,
destroy, disembowel and detract and destract my opponents. Look at how all the words I have used start with a “D”.
Kamala, they don’t call me an unclaimed genius for nothing. When we meet face to face I will dismember you. Kamala, do you wonder, just to digress a little bit, who do you think would demolish the other if HH and ECL of Zambia debated each other on the economy, rule of law, corruption, foreign trade, how to grow the economy etc. Kamala, you have used the now famous or infamous resounding successful invocation of, and I quote, “We are not going back!”
In Zambia, a country you visited when you were young and my intelligence have dug up all the photos you took while young and in your recent trip as VP and you met HH, who do you think the slogan, “We are not going back” would be deployed against? By the way, how is HH? I hear one of those two presidential characters have exactly similar characteristics to me. All the negative and positive characteristics that I have I understand are reposed in that Zambian presidential character. Kamala, do you know which character in Zambia fits my character? Not exactly because I am a unique person, never to be duplicated or photocopied but there are poor pretenders out there, the Bolsonaros of this world. HH and ECL should debate and we will see who will put the other one to sleep. One will have to retire the other one as I retired Sleepy Joe to my own regret. Now I have you to contend with, Crazy Kamala. I don’t believe that is the nickname that I have given you. Didn’t I say recently that you are not as crazy as Crazy Nancy Pelosi. That is right.
Kamala, I have called you to reveal to you some important information some of which you may know and some not. Presidents as in former and present presidents have secret conversations where they discuss things freely. I have had secret conversations with Bush (not yet published), Obama, Clinton (not yet published), Carter (not yet published), ECL, HH (not yet published) and now you.
Let me hasten to add this that Kamala, your Godfather is Barak Obama. You are Obama’s legacy. And just like I have left a legacy in judicial appointments to imprimatur my policies for decades to come, Obama convinced Sleepy Joe to appoint you as VP for the purpose of you taking over when Sleepy Joe is done. That son of a gun! Whatever his designs were for the future, they have come to pass. Look, recently you had hired Eric Holder, the former Attorney General under Obama to vet your vice presidential running mate. Eric is a creature, like you, of Obama. Eric is Obama’s boy. Obama has created an octopus in American politics for the foreseeable future. Do you know what an Octopus is, Kamala? Without Obama, Sleepy Joe would not have won the presidency from me. And I only won the presidency against Hillary because of WikiLeaks and the unexpected help from my Russian friends. Now the road to the White House passes through the Obamas, assuming you beat me to the presidency. But I have a secret weapon to unleash against you. I will be deploying the Israeli weapon: the Israeli-Gaza war will win me the presidency as I will appeal to the powerful interests in American society that cater to the interests of Israel that I am the only person who can defend and protect Israel from its enemies and those rich and powerful friends will come to my rescue. Without my Israeli friends you, Kamala, would become President of the United States. Just as your road to the White House passes through Obama, your cul-de-sac preventing you from entering the White House is Israel. Particularly the Israeli-Gaza war. Defeat Israeli power and you will be in the White House. Your congressional friends who support the Palestinians have already been casualties of the Israeli-Gaza war. They have fallen victim to Pro-Israeli interests in the Israeli-Gaza war. America can cry all it wants about no foreign influence in the election outcome domestically. We know better. Do you know how tough it is to beat Israel in American electoral politics. As you campaign, read on that topic and you don’t have to pay me for it.
Kamala, I also wanted to tell you that if for nothing else, it is embarrassing for me, a white guy, to lose this election to a Black person. Frankly, I thought you were Indian before you turned Black in order to win this election. There are more Blacks in America than Indians. I told you that presidents past, present and future talk to each other candidly. What I am telling you is between us.
I can’t afford to lose to a Black person again and I regret putting Sleepy Joe to sleep because if he beat me, at least I would have lost to a White man, frankly speaking. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN means what it means that White men must regain their past glory. Kamala, can you imagine being beaten by a Black woman! Can you imagine I lost to Sleepy Joe! I have lost in court to two Blacks: Leticia James and Alvin Bragg in New York. I lost but at least it is in court and not the political arena. I know you have hired Obama’s famous campaign strategist who won him the election and they want you to win. The battle is on, Crazy Kamala. I will not relent this time. Put on your armour. I am fighting Obama your Godfather through you. Obama is fighting me through you. All gloves are off. It is bare knuckle fight now. Only one of us will survive this bruising fight. I will talk to you again soon.
The author is a graduate of the Norman Patterson School of International Affairs at Carleton University, Ottawa, Canada.
Email: munyonzwe.hamalengwa@zaou.ac.zm
Home Politics