The Wizard of Moz…to witch-hunt or not?

The Wizard of Moz

…to witch-hunt or not?

By Anthony Mukwita

Just a few days before Christmas, the local media in Zambia was frenzied up with the mother of all stories that drowned all tales in the the festive period.

The story involved some guy from up Eastern province in Zambia and another from neighbouring Mozambique who has appeared in court on serious charges.

The charges in other jurisdictions would have brought the entire national traffic to a standstill because of there gravity– the planned ‘assasination’ of our beloved President Hichilema.

The facts as earlier presented by state police in a public statement are that the Zambian hombre with the assistance from an ‘expert’ from Mozambique had ‘harmful charms’ to be used with the sinister motive to harm our President.

HOW WAS THE PLOT AGAINST THE PRESIDENT HATCHED?

The special vehicle for the attempted ‘ assasination’  apparently would be ‘ witch-craft’ yes you heard me right, the Zambian Presidents life was in danger and witchcraft was what was gonna be used to inflict deadly harm on him.

When I first heard the absurd story, I  scoffed at it because it was breaking at a time when a parliamentary by-election campaign was sizzling in the northern province town of Kawamba being tightly contested by an alliance opposition group and the ruling UPND.

In my view, the by-election was supposed to be the Elephant in the room, not a Cock and Bull story of a Wizard from Mozambique, and oh by the way, a chameleon was involved, a dangerous chameleon currently in police custody.

At this point I didn’t even know that we had a SWAT team on witchcraft in our police force, nor did I know that we actually had laws that prohibit witchcraft, even though it is magic, from occurring, get what I am saying, ‘ hocus pocus’ babe!

Until a statement was thrown in my face then I realised it was true–the President’s life was in grave danger, possibly deadly at the hands of two witches and a chameleon.

Before I knew it the story had gone international on BBC, Reuters and VOA…”witchcraft in Zambia, President in cross hairs etc.”

WAS THE WITCHCRAFT STORY A RED HERRING?

Being a christian buff with contempt for the dark side, the evil spirit under-belly, I dimmissed the story and just regarded it as some ruse to divert the attention of Zambians from:

The increased monthly needs basket that had just tipped the scale at K11,000 for a family of 5 on basics alone such as a 25kg bag of mealie.

The high cost of a litre of gasoline at K33 per liter, K400 for a 25kg bag of mealie meal.

Looming school tuition fees for already struggling families that have to prepare for their children’s return to school in two weeks time.

The pressure of keeping the tradition of cooking rice curry and a chicken that goes with it on Christmas for the family and many other pressures that occur at this time of the year but perhaps worse for many this time around according to stats.

In my humble educated view that is the only reason two broke guys with a chameleon were trending after allegedly possibly breaching the security of our President.

What else would you think of hombre’s, today in the 21st century with all the technology we possess, come on guy!

I recently heard Mr Felix Mutati, the Tech and Science Minister warning cyber criminals that ‘we shall smoke you out wherever you are because we can now trace your digital footprint’, didn’t the technology come with an app to stop witchcraft?

I also recall vividly, the President HH himself saying Zambians on tik tok or facebook or whatsapp groups have nowhere to hide because ‘I am watching you, I am in your groups?’

Lets not forget the gusto our beloved home security minister hon. Jack Mwiimbu exuded recently after he ‘found and lost’ fugitive legislator Emmanuel Jay Banda.

Couldn’t the police use the same skills to stave off an attack from a chameleon and two guys? 

The last time I saw the proverbial panic at the Disco in Zambia like now was when way back under President Mwanawasa when Dr Katele Kalumba, a senior Minister under the previous government of Dr Frederick Chiluba hit the road and fled to his home in Luapula, notoriously known for stocking some of the best of the best in witchcraft charms the world-over fearing arrest.

So the story goes that after months of a huge manhunt, state police could not find Dr Kaka who was apparently invisible in a tree with a super magic laptop but they caught him anyway due to witch glitch.

So like deja vu’ the story is back more than three decades later in the annals of Zambia when Elon Musk is shooting Space X shuttles into space and Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos are discovering huge copper deposits in Mingomba, Zambia where it’s been buried in plain sight since independence.

TIME FOR A WITCHCRAFT ACADEMY OF ZAMBIA

Please get me wrong not because I respect witchcraft just like any other guy hence the reason I think after this deadly scare on our President by a chameleon and two hombres, we must start a Witch Academy of Zambia.

The Academy could help us establish why we are so poor as Zambia when we are Africa’s second largest producer of copper or why our foreign debt is crippling, or indeed why we give tax concessions or breaks to foreign mining companies and yet squeeze our locals that are taxed heavily, even on K200 mobile phone transactions.

By the time you read this my column, the last in 2024, you will already be looking forward to 2025 and what it has to offer after a tumultuous witch-filled end of year party.

But like I always say at the end, ‘ Make love not War’ because Zambia is a great country once you cut through the load-shedding noise and crippling high-cost of living.

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The author Anthony Mukwita is a former Ambassador of Zambia to several EU countries, an International Relations Analyst and published author whose books are available in Bookworld, Grey Matter and Amazon.