There’s no doubt it, Saki is definitely a master story-teller. Before former president Edgar Lungu collapsed on The Past Magazine like a ton of breaks and sent it to its early grave at Chingwere, we always relished and looked forward to reading his articles. We found them quite enthralling and insightful indeed.
So, when he finally took to the podium during the first citizens press briefing, he recounted a scintillating anecdote about the alleged disappearance of one Cool J, a powerful man in the village. Saki was at his best as usual! He could easily mint himself gold if he tried his luck in Bollywood or Nollywood.
For the next one hour or so, he held his audience spellbound as he gave an account of how aliens trailed a limousine that somehow found itself on a quiet road during the witch hour. The spaceships caught up with him and blocked his vehicle. They punched a small hole in the screen and extracted Cool J’s from the automobile and took him away to the moon!
“They nailed him to the Cross with blunt nails as they begun interrogating him…..” narrated Saki in measured tones.
“They pulled his tongue with a pliers to force answers from his mouth….,” he continued. “Who is financing ECL? Why are you always in his company? Who is giving you information on what the government is planning? How do you get to where you are going and avoid being seen? Who is financing your movements so that you are always with ECL like the holy spirit…..”
The audience murmured in shock. Saki goes on to explain that when the aliens no longer had use for Cool J, they resolved to feed him to the crocodiles in the Kafue river.
However, on their way to the river, Angels appeared in their spaceship and clouded their minds. Suddenly, they started arguing and quarreling between themselves whether they should feed Cool J to the reptiles or not.
They eventually abandoned Cool J by the river bank and took flight!
Almost immediately, Cool J’s friends from the big boat arrived and whisked him away to the hospital where they gave him a loaf of bread, an entire roll of polony and a case of fruiticana to eat as the Chef hadn’t yet reported. Cool J was known to have a grand appetite. He had just gone half-way through his mundane meal when paras stormed the ward where he was accomodated and took him away for questioning!
Prince Bill M Kaping’a
Political/Social Analyst