GRANNIES OUTRUN A HIPPO, LEAVE YOUTHS IN THE DUST
What began as a peaceful interdenominational prayer session by the riverside in Samfya quickly turned into a scene straight out of an action comedy, when two elderly women outran a charging hippo in a race that has left the town talking.
The event was meant to unite Christians, but little did anyone know that the devil had other plans. Two old women, one from the United Church and another from the Adventists, decided to step away from the crowd to admire the river and reminisce about their long-lost Solwezi days. But while the grandmothers were busy marveling at the serene waters, a female hippo, clearly in no mood for visitors, emerged from the depths like a guardian of the Nile.
At first, the grannies froze, staring at the hippo like it was some misplaced sculpture. The hippo, on the other hand, made its intentions clear with a snort so loud it could have replaced the church’s microphone. Still, the two women stood their ground, perhaps thinking the hippo might just be passing by. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.
When the massive animal started charging, it was as though heaven pressed the “fight or flight” button. Granny in blue was the first to respond, springing into action like she’d been training for this moment all her life. Her once-bent back suddenly became as straight as a choir conductor’s baton. Granny in red, not to be outdone, followed suit, and within seconds, the two were sprinting like contestants in the 100-meter finals.
Church members stood in disbelief and laughter but it was short-lived, though, as the hippo, undeterred by the humor, continued its charge, scattering the crowd like maize husks in a windy field.
Eventually, the hippo, perhaps impressed by the speed of its unexpected competitors, returned to the water, leaving the grannies victorious but breathless. Collapsing into the arms of their fellow congregants, they muttered prayers of thanks while the crowd alternated between laughter and singing “What a mighty God we serve.”
The event has left Samfya buzzing. While some are calling for the next interdenominational meeting to be held far from hippo territory, others can’t stop talking about the unexpected athletic prowess of the two women. “We need to send them to the next All Africa Games!” one resident quipped.
For now, the grannies have returned to their quiet lives, but their fame has spread across Samfya like a wildfire.
KUMWESU JAN 16, 2025