RELAX, HE’S NOT MISSING—HE’S JUST NOT YOUR NEIGHBOUR
Ah, here we go again. The nation’s new favorite game: Where Is The President? Forget gold, forget electricity, forget potholes. This is Zambia’s latest obsession.
Let’s clear something up before your keyboards overheat: the President was last seen alive—for those of you acting like we need to call the FBI—on Thursday, 3rd July 2025, when he swore in several top government officials. Yes, he was not at the Trade Fair. And no, he didn’t show up to the Gonde-Lwiindi ceremony. But guess what? That doesn’t mean he’s vanished into thin air or being kept in a top-secret alien bunker under State House.
This sudden thirst for constant presidential visibility is honestly impressive. The same folks who complain “the President is too talkative” are now crying that “he’s too silent.” Make it make sense.
But let’s entertain your theories, shall we?
Some are whispering about illness. Others claim he’s been evacuated. A few prophets have already started arranging spiritual surveillance, claiming the grave is open and empty. Our very own version of Netflix’s House of Cards, only here the drama is louder, less intelligent, and sadly, believed by many.
Someone in the diaspora said, “Botswana announced when their President got sick…”
Ah yes, Botswana. The new poster child for everything we wish we were. Let’s all pack our bags and move, shall we? Except, no one ever asks where their Ministers are. Or accuses their Head of State of ghosting the country because he skips one event. The comparison is tired. Their President missed one event, and they informed the public. Good. Noted. Would we prefer daily medical bulletins about President Hichilema’s temperature, blood pressure, and lunchtime menu?
“23 Spokespersons but no answers”
Oh yes, that number again. People suddenly counting Presidential spokespersons like it’s an Airtel promo. Look, the government communicates what is necessary, when it’s necessary. But we’ve reached a point where even silence is turned into a scandal. If the President sneezes, it’s a sign of economic collapse. If he rests, it’s abandonment. If he speaks, it’s propaganda. Honestly, he can’t win with some of you.
“Why didn’t he open the Trade Fair?”
Because a President is not obligated to attend every ribbon-cutting ceremony on the calendar. This is not a birthday party, and he is not a clown for hire. Minister Musokotwane officiated in his place. That’s called delegation. Ever heard of it? It’s a leadership concept where you don’t have to clone yourself to get things done. But no, for some Zambians, if the President isn’t physically carrying the microphone, then nothing happened.
The Mufumbwe Incident
Now here’s a serious situation. Gold rush. Chaos. Tragedy. And who went there? Ministers of Defence and Home Affairs. Not ghost protocol. Not fictional aliens. Real government officials on the ground. Coordinating, reassuring, securing. But again, some expected the President to skydive into Mufumbwe like a Marvel superhero while dodging riot bullets and pointing fingers. Come on.
So where is the President?
Here’s a radical thought: maybe he’s working. Maybe he’s resting. Maybe he’s preparing for meetings, foreign travel, or dealing with matters far more serious than public appeasement parades. This is a Head of State, not your neighborhood councillor. He’s not required to give a daily roll call. If we want leaders who spend more time being seen than working, then maybe we should elect reality TV stars next time.
Let’s be honest. Most of this noise is not about concern; it’s about POLITICS. Manufactured drama to create the illusion of crisis. Because when there’s no scandal, some people must invent one. They want the President to be sick, to be missing, to be weak—because that’s the only way they can feel important in the conversation.
But spoiler alert: the government is still standing, the country is still moving, and you’ll hear from the President when there’s something worth announcing. Until then, breathe. The man hasn’t disappeared—he’s just not on your Facebook timeline today.
So until there’s actual proof that the man has been abducted by aliens or joined a monastery in Tibet, how about we stop pretending national security depends on his selfie count?
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Zambian Angle