LIFE HAS HUMBLED ME- Chilufya Tayali

LIFE HAS HUMBLED ME
===============
There was a time in my twenties when I thought I had life figured out, I thought I knew it, but…. boy… I was so wrong.

If you had met me then, I would have confidently lectured you on how to live;

how to be a man, how to love a woman, how to raise children, how to walk in faith, etc.

I carried strong convictions, especially that I wanted to become a priest. I guess that’s why God kicked me out of the seminary.

I was very judgmental too.

I wasn’t guessing.
At least, that’s what I believed.

But life… has a way of humbling a person, and I have been humbled in many ways. Almost failing my own exams.

Today, I see things differently.

Have you ever been so sure about something… only for life to prove you so incomplete on a lecture you gave others?

I once spoke strongly about issues like abortion and contraceptives. I was so rigid and unshaken, armed with Catholic teachings.

Now? 😂😂😂🫠🫠🫠🙈🙈🙈

I now approach that conversation with more humility than certainty.

Not because I have no values, but because I now understand the weight of real situations.

I believed marriage should never end, no matter what 🛑

I advised people, encouraged them, even insisted they endure.

“Marriage is a covenant,” I would say.

But today, after walking my own path, I’ve learned something deeper:

Sometimes, what looks so romantic and perfect from the outside might be endurance, and that endurance might be beyond the capacity of some individuals.

The problem is that society never assumes that men, too, can suffer in marriages. Men are always accused of being the problem in bad relationships..

Let me be honest 🤷‍♂️
I was also harsh. 🤦‍♂️

I spoke strongly against polygamy, against men with “side relationships.”

I listened more to women who complained about their husbands with side-chicks, without considering the fact that some men go through hell with some of these women, and the only survival is that side-chick in Kabwata.

When some came to me, I didn’t hold back my words.

I judged quickly. I spoke sharply.

To those men, wherever you are (dead or alive),
if you ever hear or read this:

I am sorry 😢

Life has taught me that people are often fighting battles you cannot see.

I still believe in fatherhood deeply.
A father should be present. He should fight for his children.

That belief hasn’t changed.

But here’s the question I wrestle with now:
What happens when the fight itself begins to break you?

When pushing harder means losing yourself completely?

Is it still strength… or is it destruction?

These are not easy questions.
And I no longer pretend they are.

Even in politics, my views have shifted.
The people I once judged quickly (including President Hichilema), the ideologies I once defended blindly;

today, I examine them differently.

Not because I am confused, or I want to come back home, but because I have experienced more than anyone can ever imagine.

Of course, I can’t tell all the details, because I still have to respect other people’s privacy.

Trust me, I understand it better when they say, “Experience… is a ruthless but honest teacher”.

So here I am now;
less loud, more reflective.
Less certain, more understanding.
Less judgmental, more human.

I don’t know about you, maybe you’re still in that phase where everything feels clear and absolute.

Or maybe, like me, life has already started softening your edges.

Either way, pause and ask yourself:
Are your beliefs shaped by theory… or by lived reality?

Because sometimes, the things we hold onto most tightly are the very things life will challenge the hardest.

And when that happens,

will you break… (I am almost breaking down, but I am fighting to survive),

or will you grow?

These are just thoughts running through my mind today… as I prepare for something as simple as lunch, because I need to keep life going.

But maybe…, just maybe, this reflection will touch you somewhere, take a step back and think about yourself and the opinions or beliefs you have, how realistic are they.

TAYALI THE HUMBLED MAN 😂😂😂

By Chilufya Tayali