My own father denied me 3 times – Jay Rox
ARTISTE Jackson Banda, popularly known as Jay Rox, has opened up about the pain of being rejected by his biological father, revealing that he was denied three times before finally accepting that they would never have a relationship.
Appearing on B Flow’s Dads Without Dads Podcast, Jay Rox recounted how his father denied responsibility for his mother’s pregnancy before he was born.
“My father denied the pregnancy and said, ‘This is not me.’ My mother then joined the Air Force, and I was raised by my stepfather. He became the father I knew because my mother never told me about my biological father in my early years,” he said.
Jay Rox said it was only when he was in junior high school that his mother revealed the truth, telling him that his biological father was alive and was a professor at the University of Cape Town.
Curious to know his roots, Jay Rox said he called his father while he was in Grade Nine.
“I introduced myself and mentioned my mother’s name. He went quiet and then cut the line,” he recalled.
Undeterred, he called again and pleaded with his father to at least introduce him to his relatives if he did not want a relationship with him.
“I told him, ‘I’m growing up and if you don’t want a relationship with me, at least show me my relatives.’ He said he would call me back.”
Jay Rox said the rejection had a devastating effect on his life, causing his academic performance to suffer.
“That shifted my life. My grades dropped. I started feeling rejected,” he said.
After completing Grade 12, he reached out to his father again, asking whether he had ever woken up feeling guilty about abandoning him.
His father allegedly referred him to his grandfather in Kitwe, claiming he had once tried to visit him but was chased away by Jay Rox’s mother who had threatened to shoot him.
The musician said his father later asked what he wanted to study and when he replied that he wanted to pursue Computer Science, he promised that a friend would come and pay his tuition.
“That never happened. He went quiet again and stopped answering my calls,” Jay Rox said.
He said his mother later encouraged him by telling him that he resembled his father and had inherited his intelligence, helping him understand that they had both been young and immature when he was born.
However, Jay Rox said the final blow came after his mother’s death.
“I called him and told him my mother had died. He just said, ‘That’s sad. What was wrong?’ There was no encouragement, nothing. That’s when I realised there was no father on the other side of the phone,” he said.
He added some years back on one Father’s Day, he wished his biological father a Happy Father’s Day on X, formerly Twitter, only to be blocked.
“That’s when I knew this would never work,” he said.
He said now that he is older, he has chosen to forgive him and replaced pain with understanding.
Kalemba, June 28, 2026