Amber Heard has admitted to still loving her ex-husband Johnny Depp while saying she is afraid of potentially being sued again by him.
Depp sued Heard for $50 million, alleging she defamed him in a 2018 Washington Post op-ed in which she wrote about her experience with domestic violence, though he was not mentioned by name.
She counter-sued him for $100 million and they both were found liable for defamation, though the jury awarded $8.5m damages to Depp.
Heard, 36, sat down for an interview with the Today show’s Savannah Guthrie, which was taped on Thursday and aired in part on Wednesday morning, June 15, it will be shown in full on Dateline on Friday.
It is Heard’s first interview since the high-profile defamation trial between her and Depp.
The actress said “yeah, absolutely” when Gutherie asked her if, after everything, as she said in court during their defamation trial, she “still has love” for Depp.
“I love him. I loved him with all my heart,” Heard said.
“And I tried the best I could to make a deeply broken relationship work and I couldn’t.”
“I have no bad feelings or ill will towards him at all,” she added.
“I know that might be hard to understand or it might be really easy to understand if you’ve just ever loved anyone.”
In part one of the interview which aired Tuesday June 14, Heard said she believed “the vast majority of this trial was played out on social media” and spoke of the vitriol directed at her Depp’s fans.
She reflected more on the public perception about her in the segment Wednesday, after Gutherie asked Heard about a text in which Depp promised “total global humiliation” for her.
“I’m not a good victim, I get it,” she said. “I’m not a likeable victim, I’m not a perfect victim. But when I testified I asked the jury to see me and hear his own words which is a promise to do this.”
Heard told Guthrie she “took for granted what I assumed was my right to speak” and now is nervous to speak out.
“I’m scared that no matter what I do, no matter what I say or how I say it, every step that I take will present another opportunity for this sort of silencing,” Heard said in response to Guthrie asking if she had concerns that Depp could sue her again in the future. “Which is what I guess a defamation lawsuit is meant to do – to take your voice.”
When grilled by Guthrie about audio clips that were played during the six-week trial in which the actress could be heard admitting to being physically abusive towards Depp, Heard insisted that she only ever ‘responded to [physical violence]’ but that she ‘never instigated it’.
‘I never had to instigate it, I responded to it,’ she claimed. ‘When you’re living in violence and it becomes normal – as I testified to – you have to adapt.’
Heard added that, while she ‘has so much regret’ over the ‘horrible’ and ‘ugly’ things she did and said to Depp, she was only acting as a ‘person in extreme emotional, psychological, and physical distress’ who felt that their ‘life was at risk’.
‘I know much has been made of these audio tapes,’ she said. ‘They were first leaked online after being edited. What you would hear in these clips [was] not evidence of what was happening, it was evidence of a negotiation, of how to talk about that with your abuser.’
She continued: ‘As I testified on the stand about it. When your life is at risk, not only will you take the blame for things that you shouldn’t take the blame for, but when you are in an abusive dynamic – psychologically, emotionally, and physically – you don’t have the resources or the luxury of saying, “Hey this is black and white.”
‘Because it is anything but when you are living in it.’
As for the “Aquaman” star’s future, she said her major focus will now be to her one-year-old daughter.