GENDER VIOLENCE: The Cruelty Of Gender Based Violence In The Eyes Of A South African Woman
“I lost my father at 18 my mother at 19. Lost my son at 30 then my daughter at 33 and I also lost my looks. ‘Yes I was burnt by my baby daddy, yes he killed my daughter; yes he took away my career but above all I choose to rise.
My name is Thembi Maphanga, in 2006 I fell in love with a guy whom we had so much in common and we planned our future together. In 2008 God blessed us with twins, a boy and a girl. Unfortunately, I lost my boy at birth but my daughter survived. We named her Kamogetso. It became very tough and devastating after I lost my boy as a first-time mother. I had to be strong for my daughter who was at the time incubated. I had to bury my son while the other one was in the incubator. My boyfriend, the baby daddy, was still there and very supportive. We went through the loss of our son together.
After a year I started experiencing a problem with my boyfriend. He was abusing me verbally and I would get “impama” (slap) once in a while. I thought that this was just one of those problems that many people that are in relationships come across and that he would soon calm down but instead he continued to abuse me. He threatened to leave me and my child.
On the 12th of March 2010, my friend had a birthday celebration. I was helping with catering so I didn’t want to leave early but he wanted us to leave. As I refused, he dragged me in front of everyone but fortunately people intervened and eventually he left, alone.
When I finally went home, he wasn’t there. He only came back the following morning. He came home and expressed his dissatisfaction with how I had handled the situation.
He then told me he had come to take all his belongings and was moving out. I was so angry that I couldn’t even pay attention to him.
He started moving around the house packing all his stuff. He then came to me after he was done packing, saying we needed to talk in the bedroom. Our daughter came to join us, he then locked the door. He was so agitated that he kept on pacing up and down but still I wasn’t paying attention. He picked up a bottle and I still didn’t pay attention. It was until he threw it on me that I realised what was happening. We started fighting for the matches. That fight felt like a lifetime until he overpowered me and finally managed to strike it. He jumped out through the window, leaving my daughter and me in there to die. My daughter inhaled all that smoke. I also jumped through a window to a tap but not so much I could do because the fire was all over my body until we were rescued by our neighbors.
I woke up in hospital three months later. I was told my daughter had passed two days after the incident due to the severe amount of smoke she inhaled and I could not attend her funeral as I was in a critical condition in hospital. I was hospitalised for six months, that was when South Africa was hosting the Soccer World Cup in 2010. I went through all that trauma while the streets were buzzing with celebration of the soccer World cup.
I spent an entire year at the Mill park hospital being rehabilitated, then I was discharged in 2011. I had to face the world with the new look, I had to accept myself too. I had suffered third-degree burns and 80 percent of my body was burned. After that scenario I felt defeated and invisible. God started directing me because the route I was taking was all new to me, I knew nothing about it. I looked different, asked myself who I was, it was a very tough journey of rediscovering myself but I trusted in God.
My perpetrator was jailed. I went to visit him and I FORGAVE him though he never told me the reasons for his deeds. In 2018 after he was released from jail and a few months later he passed away. I was not happy about the news. Seeking vengeance is never good for anyone at all and it creates this ticking bomb that might just explode anytime.
MAKE PEACE & FORGIVE. ACCEPT WHAT YOU CAN’T CHANGE AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST.
Credit:Best Welleh Garlo
