How i abandoned priesthood
By Kamyalile Chawe
COURAGE is one component that can be attributed to human beings. This is seen to be at play when an individual person is confronted with a situation in which one has to implore the inner force to act out.
In so doing the individual is willing to face whatever consequences are attached to such an act.
It is at this point I wish to share my story to inspire and motivate who would be in a similar situation and those who are scared to make courageous decisions in their lives. This could be in marriage life, relationship, business, work or even in the seminary mission.
I am a Christian by religion. Born and raised in a catholic home. As a young catholic I once aspired to become a catholic priest while living in Ndola with my parents.
After completing my grade 12 I enrolled as a seminarian for priesthood in the family of Franciscan Fathers Conventual.
I was motivated serve God and his the people after the study that would have taken me about 11 years to become a priest. Note that am still serving in what am doing now. Ala my years of study never lasted more than 6 years.
At the beginning of my priesthood journey in 2014 things never made sense because I had to forgo most of the things I was used to like having girlfriends, my person phone, money, my family and many other things.
This was due to the fact that during the initial stages of seminary life the formation is centered on detaching oneself from the old self and putting on the new self which is supposed to be in conformity with the Franciscan way of life.
Nonetheless, the formation journey became interesting when I got used to the system and grew fond of my mates. To cut the story short life is manageable and interesting in the seminary but again it is how you make it and it is what it is.
However, I came to realise that priesthood was not meant for me, it was not my life. Three years in the seminary, thoughts about leaving the seminary were becoming a reality but again thoughts of how my family, friends and society would look at me was another thing.
But a day would not go without thinking about leaving. Some of the thoughts I had made me have sleepless nights. I asked myself, where will I start from if I leave?
Will I go mad as we hear those old stories about those who quit priesthood? Who will be my friends? For most of my friends have had relocated or are married, what will people say about me? that I have failed in life? yaba!
What will I tell my parents about stopping priesthood the calling that is most cherished in my family? What will be their reactions? What will people gossip about my parents?
Despite having such tormenting thoughts, I just said whatever will be said will be said and what will come will come.
I gathered courage and informed the one who was in charge of me that priesthood is not for me, i am leaving but he encouraged me to wait a bit longer and reflect on my decision.
On the 20th July of that year when it was time to renew my vows as a Franciscan brother. I didn’t go for it but I left the seminary based on my judgement that it was not my life because I no longer saw myself as a priest but just as free being who can be in any place at any time with any one. Thus I left Lusaka for Ndola.
When I reached home my parents were emotional and asked me a why question which I doubt if I satisfied their ears in answering them up until now.
To this effect every day was a struggle, in the sense that I had to find means and ways of convincing them. I remember one day hearing them say, so by now you would have been in Italy enjoying life but here you are just been home everyday.
And I was like bola yakosa nomba apa ine lol. Nevertheless I know one day the why question will be answered through my actions and am glad now that they have accepted that their son is indeed back from the seminary.
But life in the society was different and challenging as I had no friends to mingle with and nothing to do in form of work. On the part of my old friends, I guess they were scared maybe I have started getting mad or am cursed already.
Day in day out I just used to be at home bakamba and my sisters never got tired of calling me, Bro breakfast is ready, lunch is ready and by evening supper is ready.
Consequently that’s how I used to live bantu bandi. Life became harder when I started hearing rumors that “he has been chased from the seminary because he impregnated a lady”.
Others were like he used to jump the wall fence at night as such he was chased.
All in all a lot was said but what kept me going was the fact all they said is something I had thought about long before. I must mention that till date am still waiting for the lady I did impregnated in the illusions of few individuals to be born.
On the other hand that was not the end to a new start because I had with me what a civil servant can call last money a K800. With this money I manage to start up a small business which has been pushing me up to date.
Furthermore it is also answering to the needs of Chifubu people in terms accessing food stuffs without reaching the market.
Additionally, it has also brought me new good friends who have been of help just like I have been. In all these experiences and years God has being faithful for he brought in my life people who have helpful other than my parents and relatives.
On the illusionary pregnant lady I must mention that I have not changed any bodies daughter’s surname and I have also not assigned my surname to any child. From the forgoing am open whether to marry or to remain single for life or maybe to go and purse further studies. kikiki.
Now to you in an abusive marriage where your life is in danger of being killed by your spouse gather the courage and run for your life. Do not be scared of what people will say remember there is life after whatever people will say. Just like there is life after quitting anything, in my case it was priesthood.
Even if they say you failed and wasted time, ask them is it your time I wasted? It is actually not time wasted but experience gained which if shared can help others in similar situation like your history.
This also goes to the seminaries as well do not be scared to quit priesthood journey if you feel convinced that it is not your life.
Remember you are responsible for your life as an individual. Do not fear that iyo ba mayo with BP will collapse and die when I leave kwisa? Just leave if you want to leave, you will neither be the first one to leave nor will you be the last one.
Even at work, in a relationship don’t be scared to quit and start anew, at church or any other situation in which you are failing to rise up and face what you do not know. Do not be scared to start afresh even if it is from zero.
At the end of the day it is your happiness which matters and not what people say. Be courageous and courageous enough not lose yourself in the crowd, for the crowd sometimes is untrue and the individual conscious may also be lost in the crowd consciousness.
If you are living a life for your mother, father, sister, brother, relatives, friends or even what people are saying. What if they die will you still live for them?
I am happy that I left and I treasure every moment I spent with the Conventuals Zambia Malawi.
