NDC FACTION FIGHTS ITSELF OVER WHO LOVES UPND MORE
“When You Resign but Still Want to Haunt the Party WhatsApp Group”
The FOX Newspaper
LUSAKA, 17 APRIL 2025 – In a bold political plot twist that not even Netflix could script, the National Democratic Congress (NDC) has declared civil war on itself—issuing a dramatic press statement, complete with criminal threats, tears of betrayal, and passive-aggressive warnings, all directed at… well, their own people.
Yes, forget opposition politics. The real action is happening inside the NDC’s living room, where one faction has taken up arms (pens, really) to defend its alliance with the UPND—not from the enemy, but from former members (political orphans of Zambians most confusing party) who allegedly won’t stop lurking near the back door, muttering about party purity and posting selfies with old manifestos.
The statement, passionately delivered by Secretary General Mufaya Ingombe, reads like a political breakup letter—accusing expelled members of trying to sneak back into relevance through whisper campaigns, random phone calls, and unauthorized hugs at party functions.
The current leadership under President Joseph Kasonde has made it clear: if you were expelled, stay expelled. Do not call. Do not text. Do not refer to yourself as “former but active.” You are no longer on the group chat, and screenshots won’t save you.
While the statement doesn’t directly name a certain influential former leader whose name rhymes with “power fumba,” the ghost of the past does appear in subtle jabs about “underhand dealings,” “godfathers,” and “failed attempts to return to the throne via indirect cuddles.” No names, just vibes.
Meanwhile, the real drama lies in the division between those who stayed loyal to the party, still using public buses and organizing branch meetings under mango trees… and those who, let’s just say, have recently discovered the luxury of air-conditioned government buildings and the phrase “I’ll escalate this.”
The accusations? That some of these returnees have become agents of confusion, spreading alliance rumors like street gossip, and trying to appear more pro-UPND than the actual UPND. It’s now a political Olympics of loyalty—complete with long-distance endorsements and spiritual deployments.
And to make things worse, some expelled members are apparently using phrases like “we want him back”—but no one is quite sure who “him” is, or what they want him back for. All we know is the party is not impressed. The tone? Imagine someone telling their ex, “You moved on, but now you’re camping at my gate claiming you forgot your charger.”
Legal threats have now been issued. Yes—actual criminal offenses for impersonating NDC members. The kind of warning that makes you check your Facebook bio twice before commenting “former NDC youth chair, inbox me.”
Zambians watching from the sidelines have one simple request: if you’re going to fight, at least make it ideological. But alas, this isn’t about policy or vision. It’s about emotional baggage, unfinished deployments, and who still holds the remote to the alliance decoder.
With this kind of internal gymnastics, it’s no wonder political analysts are calling the NDC not the National Democratic Congress but “Now Divided Completely.”
And as the party continues to wrestle itself in public, one thing remains certain: the popcorn industry will thrive.