PRESS STATEMENT 9 TH JUNE 2020 THIS IS HOW PF COMMITTED SUICIDE.
PF has finally died painfully, after a long illness dating back in 201 5; the cause of death is suicide arising from Multiple Organ Failure. In 2015, PF was diagnosed with infection of the liver from the virus called stealing and corruption. Doctors advised PF that stealing and corruption are too sweet and very addictive but very harmful to the liver, known to be fatal even when taken in smaller quantities. In 2016, PF was again diagnosed with heart complications, caused by rigging elections. A team of Witch Doctors further complicated the condition by using un conversional methods and medicines. The disease became chronic.
In 2017, PF was further diagnosed with lung cancer caused by brutality and greediness. Both infections are transmitted by inhaling contaminated air from killings, maiming and jailing opposition opponents. Both are highly infectious and it’s believed a lot of people from various Government Institutions are also infected. The disease is very strange to Zambia. It was imported in the Country by PF from two tyrant dictators.
In 2018, PF was again diagnosed with renal (kidney) failure, caused by too much intake of foreign and local debt. Foreign and local specialists advised PF to desist from too much intake of debt. PF never listened and continued eating with both dirty hands. Credible institutions tried to save PF’s kidneys by prescribing a much user friendly debt, but PF chased them and said it was none of their business. After all it was their kidneys that will pack. In 2019, PF was yet again diagnosed with disorder of the Central Nervous System. The cause of this disorder is arrogance. Of late, PF has been having difficulties in performing National duties properly. PF was warned, but as usual ignored the advice.
Finally in 2020, PF suffered a rapture of the blood vessel in the head leading to severe stroke due pressure from Bill 10 and the Youths. Bill 10 and Youths caused PF’s blood pressure to shoot up. PF just collapsed. The normal Clergy has refused to hold a requiem mass for the late PF, saying they don’t entertain crooks who commit suicide. As usual, Men of Gold are coming in to benefit from the offerings during the mass. Burial is set for 2021. Our deepest condolences, but PF please don’t come back, not even in ghost
form.
Percy Chanda
UPND Chairman for Mines and Freedom Fighter