Alarming Crisis in Relationships: Nearly 4 in 10 Young Men in South Africa Admit to Emotionally Abusing Their Partners, Exposing Deep Roots of Violence, Trauma and Failing Social Systems
A recent national study by the Human Sciences Research Council has revealed a deeply troubling reality in South Africa: a large number of young men are admitting that they have emotionally abused their intimate partners.
The findings show that close to 40% of men between the ages of 25 and 34 confessed to committing acts such as insults, threats, humiliation, controlling behaviour, and psychological manipulation against women they are in relationships with. This points to a silent but widespread form of gender-based violence that often goes unnoticed because it leaves no physical scars, yet causes deep emotional and mental damage.
Experts link this crisis to several interconnected factors:
• Growing up in violent or broken homes where abuse is normalised
• Alcohol and drug abuse that lowers self-control and increases aggression
• Unemployment and poverty, which create frustration, stress and feelings of powerlessness
• Harmful ideas about masculinity that teach men to dominate and control women
• Lack of emotional education, where boys are not taught how to handle anger, rejection or conflict in healthy ways
• Social media and peer pressure that glorify toxic relationships and disrespect toward women
Emotional abuse often comes before physical violence. It includes constant criticism, isolation from friends and family, jealousy, monitoring phones, financial control, and threats. Over time, it destroys self-esteem, causes depression and anxiety, and traps many women in cycles of fear and dependency.
What needs to be done:
• Start teaching boys from a young age about respect, consent, and emotional intelligence
• Strengthen parenting programmes that address violence and toxic gender roles at home
• Expand counselling and mental health services for men dealing with anger, trauma and stress
• Enforce stricter consequences for all forms of abuse, not only physical violence
• Empower women economically so they are not forced to stay in abusive relationships
• Intensify community awareness campaigns that challenge the culture of silence and victim-blaming
This issue is not only about relationships; it is about the future of families, children and society. When emotional abuse is allowed to continue, it becomes a breeding ground for more serious violence. Ending gender-based violence means changing mindsets, healing trauma, holding abusers accountable, and building a culture where respect is non-negotiable.