JOURNALIST RACHELCHIPWENDEWRITES…
“BE STRONG, STAY POSITIVE, DON’T HAVE SUCH THOUGHTS, YOU’RE BETTER THAN THAT”….. THESE PHRASES AND SUICIDE
The phrases mostly used by people when someone is going through things or is contemplating or has attempted suicide.
This morning I’m not so much disturbed but hurt by the news of the passing or death of a popular Zambian make up artist Felistus Banda by suicide.
I didn’t know Felistus personally but I’ve seen some of her work through social media posts. When I saw that she had died, I felt bad because she was so young and talented but I felt worse when I saw the news of how she went.
There’s a meme “We are a sad generation with happy pictures” which is not far from the truth, (please know that I’m not talking about Felistus when I say this). Our socials are full of happy pictures, videos, reels and that has created the illusion that we are happy ALWAYS, when in fact NOT.
This has also led to many people not talking about the many things bothering them because the “cool thing” is to look happy like everyone else does on social media.
Issues such as suicide and depression are becoming common in our society every day and its quite sad to see that we still have a long way to go as a society when it comes to dealing with such matters.
Professional help is scarce and if it is there, it is expensive and not accessible to everyone. There also is the societal issue of stigma and people are scared of talking about their feelings because they will be invalidated or people will laugh at or mock them.
Today, people laugh and even mock suicide like it’s funny.
“I’d never kill myself over a relationship, or I’d never kill myself because I don’t have money, over food, over this or that”.
What a lot of those “strong” people don’t know is that those things are just triggers and not reasons for a person to decide to just end it.
Just because you are lucky enough to have coping skills through some of those triggers does not mean you should mock those that fail to see any way out of the mess other than deciding to end their lives.
Suicide is not good first for the person that does it and second for the people that are left behind to deal with the loss and questions, wondering if they could have done something to stop it. And believe me shaming, laughing at and demonising a person that has gone that route has never been and will never be the solution.
It is unfortunate that someone has to reach that point, so much so that all the signs are there, they go ahead and do it and all we have to show is screenshots of what they clearly were thinking and communicating before they did it.
I get it, when you’re in that state, no amount of talking to can help you, but it helps for someone to be there (even if you don’t want them there) until the strong feeling passes over and I hope someone will be there every time you think that.
In my short but fruitful life I’ve learnt that no “advice” can help or make someone change their mind, so what do you do when someone you know seems to be going through something?
- Hold the advice off, I know how tempting it is to want to give advice to someone but keep it to yourself and just let them know you care and you are there and be there, physically is the best if you’re not able to, give them a call
- Listen to them and ask as much as you can, let them talk. Allow them to vent because talking eases things and may help them feel better and put the suicide off for later and hopefully get the help they need.
- Don’t be judgemental, try by all means not to criticise them, truth is you have no idea what they’re going through, you may have an idea but we all are built different and deal with things according to how we are conditioned to, so never judge and focus on helping them not do it.
Usually suicide is not because of the reason most people think, sometimes a lot of things happen and knowing life, you understand that this too shall pass and another problem will come because that’s just the way it is.
Suicide is a complex issue and I hope that help in this area can be made as widely accessible and as affordable as possible for everyone regardless of social status.
