AGONY OF HUSBANDS WHO’VE TURNED INTO ‘WIVES’
…The harsh reality…
I’m sharing this with permission, but will name no names. He had been a cheerful, energetic man the last time I met him. We chatted for a while and even had a snack and a drink each at a busy eatery in town on my account.
But last week, I was shocked when I bumped into him somewhere at a function within Lusaka. What a pathetic sight. 😭 In a long discussion later, he poured out his broken heart. He explained how his wife had been mistreating him after he lost his job and became broke.
“She doesn’t insult me or deny me food. But her attitude towards me has changed sharply. She doesn’t give me any attention any more. It’s like I don’t even exist. No phone calls, no greetings. If I don’t talk to her or call her, she will not talk to me but will be happily talking to other people and our children,” the man lamented, almost sobbing.
“It’s so painful and annoying. But she’s the one who has been proving for the family as well as paying the rent for over one year now. So I’m stuck bakalamba.”
After a couple of psychosocial counselling sessions, he has accepted the situation and is looking much better.
No man deserves to be treated like that.
My frank advice to my fellow men who are in such situations. No matter how difficult things are, try to earn some little money, even by cleaning up someone’s yard or carrying people’s parcels on your shoulders without shame. Do something for the home.
Even just a loaf of bread or bundles of vegetables. This will send a message to your wife and also give you a sense of self-esteem and hope. Very important.
No woman will respect a broke, jobless husband. It’s the painful reality you don’t have the choice to escape but accept if you are a husband whose wife is now the bread winner in your household because you are either out of employment or just broke to your bone marrow.
I will be frank on this bane, those of you who are going through this. No matter how much she pretends to love and respect you, don’t be fooled, my brother. There’s a 99+ likelihood that she secretly holds you in deep contempt and ridicule. Chances are that she could even be cheating on you with other men big time without any remorse. Of course, there’re some women who will stand with you and still respect you as her husband when you are completely down.
But they’re as rare as a 🐕 dog’s horn. Lusengo lwa mbwa. Very few. I salute you all my sisters who are looking after your broke husbands and still love them and respect them as before. One day kakabalika and you won’t regret. God will reward you big.
But majority women whose husbands are going through rough times because of loss of a source of income or are simply broke don’t love and respect them any more. Some openly disrespect such men, but many will pretend while resenting and deriding their former ‘honey’, even flirting and cheating on him with other men without any scruples. They deride them as good for nothing burdens who don’t even deserve their conjugal rights.
I’ve lived on this loveless earth close to 60 years now and I know these things bane. I deal with grieving jobless, broke husbands regularly and I know the attitude of women towards their struggling or broke hubbies no matter how much they try to pretend. They habour nothing but contempt for and anger at my brothers who are in such unfortunate situations. Even denying them sex for no reason at all.
Remember, they were born and raised in this same society which places the unfair gender role of ‘provider’ on the shoulders of the poor man no matter his circumstances.
My word of encouragement to you, my brothers who are in this unenviable situation is that the wisest thing to do is to keep your eyes and ears wide open and your lips tightly sealed for now.
Use your eyes and ears more than your mouth. But keep a record of your observations and experiences for the future. When God redeems you and you recover – and He surely will – you may need that record to defend your actions.
Otherwise, just hang on and do whatever you can to earn even a ka K50 and bring something home to show that you are only down but not out. Kakabalika. 🙏🙏🙏
CREDIT: Charles Chisala
#RadicalJournalist