“Different Political Strokes: A Tale of Ups and Downs”
By Godfrey Chitalu
In 2020 fix, I faced a dilemma at the ballot box, choosing between two major parties: the ‘Parte of Fellows’ and ‘Up N Down.’ My palm TV became my guide through this absurd election season.
Three characters had campaigned heavily: Corn Areas, the former Mini star of Information; Comical Taboo, known for his comical stint as a Porous Secretary; and Ford Car Part, an influential Peer Relator. My palm TV, advised me to make my choice based on these factors:
Up N Down Party:
Their name alone hinted at volatile fuel and dollar rates, favoring the “Ups” (the elite) over the “Downs” (ordinary fellows).
Their “loo of low” only allowed one opposition political rally per year.
Street vendors were forcibly moved without alternative arrangements.
Corruption was rife with the ill-gotten wealth benefiting the elite, and foreigners.
The mining sector at Sugar life and Car Senseless suffered with focus on shares in companies, while neglecting infrastructure development.
Well-connected fertilizer individuals enjoyed lucrative contracts
The celebrated Comical Disbursement of Funds (CDF) was taken over by the Party of Fellows (PF).
Former Ruling Party (Party of Fellows):
Known for connecting with the grassroots and accumulating debt to support their loyal supporters.
They had a pervasive presence and a reputation for unruly behavior, land selling and extortion.
Most of their leaders were cunning lawyers who cleverly used campaign messages of sense (CMS)
After pointing out the absurdities in both parties, my palm TV concluded that the more things changed, the more they stayed the same. It advised voting for a third force. The only snag was that candidates like Fred May Bay, Hurry Car Rubber, Sown Term Ball, and Docked Nervous had failed to raise nomination fees.
Here were two political devils, with their own unique horns of mischief: a song by Ndani Crazy called 2.8 Alebwelelapo was playing from afar!
The author, a social commentator, writes for pleasure. For reactions and feedback, you can reach out – 0977466284 or 0963013760, or via email – goddychitty@gmail.com. You can also find the author on Twitter and Facebook as @goddychitty.