How School boys used to write love letters to girls in the 70s and 80s…
C/O Mr. John Mumba
Head Master Puta Primary School
P.O BOX…
Puta/Nchelenge
12 may 1985
Dear awesome Baby Angel,
hope you’re fine, if so doxology. Time and ability plus double capacity has force my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted peace of paper. I hope you’re swimming in the wonderful pool of Mr. Health there. I am also parambulating in the cool breeze of wellness here.
Sweetheart the reason why this miraculous thing is happening is because, honey, I love you spontaneously, and as I stand horizontally parallel to the wall and perpendicular to the ground now. I only think of you since you’re a fantastic and fabulous girl, put together as fantabulous I implore you to decipher this my anthem of love since oozing out from the from the innermost pendulum of my thoraxial cavity.
Darling please stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than snake loves rat.
To me, each day I start by dreaming of you. each time I see you, my metabolism suddenly halts and my peristalsis goes in reverse gear, my medulla oblongata ceases functioning.
Crazy crazy crazy you may say but this is verily veritable. If you know what is going on in my encephalon, you would prostrate.
That is why I want to see you via a vis soon for a better elucidation through tete a tete. No hyperbole & onomatopoeia, simple candidness.
Only me and you are protagonists in this Subtle Affair. As I cogited and ruminate over the last episode, I genuflex before the omnipotent and explore him to let this affair emulsify.
By the way, I am bamboozled, scintillated, exhilarated, and left in a state of prolonged euphoria by the content of your missive which was edifying and exalting. It left my bio-chemistry in paradise like equlibrium.
Emoeriacally speaking, I love you chemically… I don’t ever want to see bloom and doom looming over your angelic live portrait. Let my appellationbe scribble across your heart, with indelible ink. If anybody try to ask for your companionship, tell him that you are leased and caveated.
I think I have to pen off here, because I still haven’t finished studying electrolysis polymerization. But before I evaporate, I have to revitalize your memory with encapsulating lyrics which proclate that your cartarrh is my butter, your piss is my mimbo. The world greatest lover is me.
Catch you later. Sleep tight and don’t let bed bugs bite you because you are too sweet for them.
Goodbye for now.
Yours in love.
Mulenga Patrick
Class captain
Form 3A
Nchelenge Secondary School
Kiss by Kiss, Love by Love