Monze Couple’s “Judgment Day” — When Confessions Collide!
Freedom Area in Monze witnessed an unforgettable “Judgment Day” on Wednesday, as a seemingly small marital dispute turned into a full-blown drama that left the entire community gasping for air.
It all started when Mr. Hamwenda returned home after a 4-day farm trip. His wife, Mary, was already firing questions like an investigative officer from ZP:
“Why weren’t you picking my calls, iwe Hamwenda? Was the network also farming?”
Trying to dodge the storm, Hamwenda calmly asked for water to bathe a typical move by Zambian men when they know they’re cornered. But, as fate would have it, the real drama kicked off when Hamwenda undressed to get into the tub…
Mary’s eyes widened, her jaw dropped the man was as bald as a newly harvested maize cob!
“Hamwenda! WHO shaved you?” she screamed in Tonga, loud enough for the neighbors to switch off their radios and listen in live.
According to traditional teachings, a married man’s private grooming is a wife’s department. So, if a man suddenly shows up “clean-shaven,” questions must be asked!
Neighbors, like true Zambians, gathered in minutes, some pretending to fetch water just to get front-row seats to the showdown. The community headman was urgently summoned to restore order.
Realizing the situation was hotter than a plate of nshima straight off the stove, Hamwenda had no choice but to confess. With a trembling voice, he admitted:
“Bashi headman… I have 3 children outside my marriage… I’m sorry.”
A collective gasp swept through the crowd someone even whispered, “Eeeh, this is a Mpali special!”
But just when the community thought the storm had passed, Mary, still kneeling, burst into tears and said:
“Even me… I have something to confess…”
The crowd leaned in. Even the headman adjusted his seat.
With a shaky voice, she revealed:
“Our two children… they are not yours… They belong to your best friend, Derrick Mweemba.”
PA! Hamwenda collapsed like a bag of fertilizer. The crowd erupted, some laughing in disbelief, others shouting “Yaaayi! Eeeh mwandi!”
One uncle was heard saying, “Balande ati ‘What a man can do, a woman can overdo!’”
The headman, seeing the drama was now hotter than Lusaka’s October heat, decided to separate the couple for their own safety, stating:
“Tiyeni tula pambane bane… ifintu fyakosa!”
As the sun set over Freedom Area, the community was left with more questions than answers like who would be taking care of whose children now…
Indeed, in Monze, even confessions come with a twist!
The End… for now.