SOUTH AFRICA REFUSES TO CROSS AN OCEAN FOR A “HANDSHAKE”

SOUTH AFRICA REFUSES TO CROSS AN OCEAN FOR A “HANDSHAKE”

16th November 2025

By: The Enlightened Spectator | Tough Talk Satire Section & NotSoSeriousNews (NSSN)

In a development that has left diplomats clutching their pearls and travel agents wondering where it all went wrong, South Africa has politely — but firmly — informed the United States that it will not be hopping on an aeroplane to hand over the G20 presidency. Not even for the sake of ceremony, photo ops, or an all-expenses-paid trip to Washington’s finest beige conference rooms.

According to Pretoria, if the US wants the ceremonial passing of the G20 baton, it can pack its bags, dust off its passports, and pop down to South Africa like everyone else. Otherwise, America is welcome to simply assume the presidency and announce its priorities to the world — presumably from behind a podium embossed with an unnecessarily large eagle.

This diplomatic tango follows months of rising tension, culminating in President Donald Trump declaring that the US would not be sending a delegation to next week’s summit in Johannesburg — and suggesting, with characteristic subtlety, that South Africa shouldn’t be at the forum in the first place. Washington insiders report that the decision came after hours of careful consideration, plus a sudden realisation that “Johannesburg” isn’t, in fact, near Florida.

South Africa’s G20 Sherpa, Ambassador Xolisa Mabhongo, was unbothered, unshaken, and entirely unimpressed.

“There is nothing South Africa will do,” he said, in a tone rumoured to have caused several American officials to Google “diplomatic sulking”. “We’re not going to the US to hand over. They can come here, or they can carry on without a ceremony. It is what it is.”

And indeed, it very much is what it is.

Traditionally — that is, in years when nobody is in a mood — the outgoing host formally passes the G20 reins to the incoming chair at the leaders’ summit. Last year, for instance, President Cyril Ramaphosa travelled to Rio de Janeiro, where Brazil’s President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva transferred the role with dignity, ceremony, and only a modest number of overly enthusiastic samba drums.

This year, however, tradition appears to have packed its bags and quietly slipped out through the side door.

Whether the US will eventually decide to hop across the Atlantic for a symbolic handshake remains to be seen. For now, one thing is clear: South Africa won’t be budging — not even for the world’s most powerful nation.

After all, as any seasoned diplomat will tell you: if the mountain won’t come to Muhammad, Muhammad certainly isn’t paying for long-haul flights.

 Times LIVE