“I Never Saw It!” – Jessy Tells Court in John General Rape Drama
If you thought Mpali had drama, wait till you hear what happened in court yesterday. Forget Nguzu’s polygamy woes, this real-life courtroom episode had more twists than Mwape’s secret relationships!
A 26-year-old woman accusing self-proclaimed bishop John Nundwe, also known as John General, of rape shocked the court when she said she never saw the bishop’s “bazooka” during the alleged incident despite previously stating that he was stark naked.
During cross-examination, defense lawyer Yokonia Daka, with the confidence of a lawyer who binge-watches Mpali, grilled Jessy like goat meat at a funeral.
“You said he was naked, but you didn’t see his manhood?” Daka asked, raising an eyebrow like Shupiwe catching Nguzu sneaking into another wife’s bedroom.
“No, I didn’t see it,” Jessy replied, her voice firm like Tamara defending her position in the Nguzu household. “But I felt his body on mine.”
Eyebrows were raised, heads turned, and even the courtroom clock seemed to stop ticking for a second. One court official was overheard whispering, “Eish, even DStv can’t broadcast drama like this!”
Nundwe, 52, who walked into court with a Bible in one hand and a “God is Able” sticker on his briefcase, is accused of raping Jessy at her home after visiting to “pray for her womb” following several miscarriages. But instead of laying hands for healing, it’s alleged he laid himself – unlawfully and without consent.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” murmured one observer, “Nguzu may have many wives, but at least he doesn’t disguise lust as prayer!”
The defense team, smelling a loophole like Ms. Mwanza’s stew burning in the kitchen, pushed hard to discredit Jessy’s version, painting the whole ordeal as confused testimony. But Jessy stood her ground, refusing to be shaken like a church tambourine.
The court adjourned with tension so thick, even Ba Mwine’s farm workers would need a machete to cut through it.
Will John General walk free like Mwamba after a fake Mpali apology? Or will he face justice like a forgotten Mpali wife on visitor’s day?
April 9, 2025
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