IN THE HIGH COURT OF COMMON SENSE
Case No. RC/001/2025
The People vs. Remmy Chongo’s Article
JUDGMENT
Delivered by The Bench of Reason and Reflection
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Introduction
This Court has been called upon, not by summons but by sheer exhaustion, to consider the sprawling claims of one Remmy Chongo, who has appointed himself Advocate-General of Facebook and Prosecutor-in-Chief of WhatsApp. His article, titled “Enough of the Drama”, ironically adds a fresh act to the very drama he condemns.
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The Charges
The article stands accused of the following offences:
1. Speculation in the First Degree – Dressing conjecture as fact without producing a shred of admissible evidence.
2. Overreach with Intent to Impress – Summoning the FBI in a domestic dispute as though Lusaka were a suburb of Washington DC.
3. Contradiction by Conduct – Denouncing theatre while performing lead actor, director, and playwright in his own legal pantomime.
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The Submissions
Mr. Chongo asserts, without hesitation, that if Edgar Lungu is alive, then a conspiracy exists. If he is dead, then the family, the lawyers, or perhaps even the undertakers are liars. In short, someone must be guilty, though he cannot say who.
He further submits that Zambia’s legal fraternity may require disbarment en masse, that families may require prosecution en bloc, and that the FBI may be imported en route to Kenneth Kaunda International Airport to restore “national dignity.”
This Court finds such submissions imaginative, if not intoxicating.
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Findings of Fact
After careful review, this Court makes the following findings:
1. That Mr. Chongo has mistaken the Penal Code for a magic carpet, hoping it will fly him over the swamp of evidence he refuses to enter.
2. That his invocation of the FBI is a clear case of jurisdictional hallucination, unsupported by precedent, statute, or common sense.
3. That his cry of “Enough of the drama” while delivering a monologue of Shakespearean proportions amounts to self-contradiction of the highest order.
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The Verdict
Accordingly, this Court rules as follows:
The charge of Speculation in the First Degree is hereby sustained.
The charge of Overreach with Intent to Impress is proven beyond reasonable doubt.
The charge of Contradiction by Conduct is upheld with unanimous laughter.
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Sentence
The article is sentenced to immediate confinement in the archives of Facebook Overexaggerations (Vol. III), with hard labour in the court of public satire.
Furthermore, the accused—Mr. Chongo—is ordered to pay costs, not in kwacha, but in humility: one full public acknowledgment that shouting “legal consequences” without evidence is the very definition of empty rhetoric.
So ordered.
Delivered, signed, and mocked this day by:
The High Court of Common Sense, sitting in perpetual contempt of megalomaniac monologues.
Please address the narrative of 5 gunshot wounds to the head. Circulating on YouTube. If this narrative is true, the entire Lungu family and their hired lawyer are obstructing the course of justice.
That narrative ties in with the desperate efforts to block body viewing. Why else would body viewing be left out? Body viewing is only excluded in cases where there is severe body destruction, dismemberment or decomposition.
And the fake passports acquired by the late also point unmistakably in the direction of criminal activity. Why should a former head of state with an official diplomatic passport acquire additional fake passports?
You can cheat some of the people sometimes. But you can not cheat all people all of the time. Lies have short legs.